As bitchbot isn't working here's
Episode 1 and
Episode 2 both are from the late 1980's to 1990's. I'll correct the typos and formatting later, this has taken me 90 minutes to write and now I'm tired.
This is how my 2017 wedding panned out. I'm using a throwaway as my family know my username. Been lurking for a year, but only really had BEC moments, but totting them all up over 35 years I've had it with Runaway.
I live 3 hours away from JYDad and Runaway, the phrases "She's just like that" and "You know what your mother is like" have been liberally used over the years, no one wants to rock the boat. I tried to involve Runaway in the wedding planning as I know she was crazy happy, however she thinks she knows best about everything, and being polite whilst declining her ideas led to JADE-ing from me, I learned quickly about JADE as of last year so started to grey rock and learn to say "No" as a complete sentence.
One weekend Runaway came down one weekend I specifically planned my wedding hair stylist to visit my house for a chat and a trim about the big day. I warned her that she can be overbearing and not to take any notice of her, and if shouting started please don't be alarmed. She was awesome about it, laughing and told me not to worry, she's seen it all. From now on she's $AwesomeStylist.
Runaway was sat opposite me, touching knees as $AwesomeStylist was combing and separating my hair, looking at my length. Note: $AwesomeStylist has 20 years experience and is qualified twice over. Runaway owns a pair of scissors and cuts her friends hair .. and mine when I was a kid - Bowl Cut FTW (I have a photo. it's awful).
Runaway (to $AwesomeStylist) "Not like that! Here, let me have a go. I know what she wants. You may learn a thing or two!"
Guys, the cringe is real. I tell her to stop. I'm paying $AwesomeStylist money, I invited you round so you can meet her and have confidence in her work, she's in charge. $AwesomeStylist kept her mouth shut.
Runaway: Stands up Ooooh! I know what you want! You want 3 plaits! Me: still sitting No. Runaway: Yes you do! 2 from the sides, one back from the centre and meeting at the crown of your head! Me: No! Runaway: Yes you do! They will be little tiny thin ones you can hardly see them! Me: standing up, nose to nose, shouting NO! Runaway: But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Me: Because it's MY wedding and MY hair!. I've hired $AwesomeStylist for 3 hours on the morning of the wedding and you can come over and I'll pay for you if you like with your 3 plaits. Now SIT DOWN. Runaway: CBF visible from the International Space Station. Does not want 3 plaits apparantly. $AwesomeStylist still didn't say anything. I love that woman, seriously.
Runaway is talented and her skills at craft and design led her to agreeing to build a life sized cut out like
this but with a Las Vegas/James Bond theme for the wedding reception. This meant several weekend visits this year staying over at our house.
Our Las Vegas theme included a roulette table, playing card place cards for the wedding breakfast and a Las Vegas wedding cake. The roulette company expressed an interest in buying the James Bond board but in the end it was too large for their company vehicle, so I said I'd sell it on eBay and donate all the money to my parents if/when it sells (England prices around £400).
The day came with JYDad and Runaway came down to cut the board and attach a stand, paint it white for priming, ready for the design, this all went well, it was a sunny day and everyone was in a jolly mood working outside. I was on the computer in the dining room when Runaway asked me to print out something from Google images. It was a picture of a clown in a clown car. I thought nothing of it, I was busy Redditing or something.
A couple of hours later, Runaway was sketching an outline on the board, it didn't look like a man standing a la James Bond, in fact, I couldn't tell what it was at all. Then the penny dropped, she was holding the printout of the clown car.
I asked what she was doing and she said she was painting a clown in a car. I asked why, when we agreed on James Bond, the reply was "Because the company didn't want to buy the board you said I could paint anything I like" Gaslighting right there. I stood silent, racking my brain, thinking hard - did I say that? No, no I didn't.
Me: I did not say that. When was that? Runaway: On the phone. You said the company didn't want to buy it so I said "Oh I've got free reign to paint what I like then" and you said Yes mfw Me: I genuinely and definitely don't remember that. Maybe I agreed as you could resize the board and have different dimensions? IDK, but we have a fun casino and 007 banners and playing card theme, why on earth would I want a clowns car at my wedding party? Runaway: Oh it'll be fun! Everyone can use it, besides when we come to sell it the design would sell better as it suits all ages!
So, at this point I really have to work hard to get the facts. She had never mentioned the word "Clown" to me at all, or the change in design, and had only thought of clowns when they were travelling that morning. Runaway was deeply offended by me not wanting a clown paining but - y'know, my wedding, my rules right? I shined up my spine and told her if she wanted to paint the clown then she can do, but take the board home with you as there are NOT going to be clowns at my wedding.
Guess what comes next? Wine for anyone who says "She ran away?" because that's exactly what she did. A verrrry awkward dinner ensued as I had been cooking hot food as we were arguing in the kitchen. Runaway did not utter a single word over dinner, refused eye contact and when she was plating up she didn't even set me a plate up! I was livid. So rude. The silence was her attempt at a weapon. JYDad and FDH2 and I were chatting between the 3 of us, ignoring her completely. It was bonkers.
Once eaten, Runaway went stright to the guest room to pack their cases. Poor JYDad sidled up to FDH and informed him they were leaving immediately. FDH tells me, my eyes rolled out of my ears. Whatever, this is getting pretty old now.
They drove off, silent Runaway, JYDad hugging me and saying he'll call me later in the week to finalise BBQ arrangements at their house (it was a bank holiday weekend we had made plans to visit in a few days). No contact from Runaway all that week, I didn't text/call neither did she.
Note: Not out of the ordinary really, JYDad and I speak weekly, Runaway only calls when she's got problems with Facebook or her emails. Onto the shit show that was the BBQ The days leading up to the BBQ were filled with questions from FDH, $YB and $SIL2, how am I going to handle it? What will I say? How will I saiy it. THANK YOU to everyone on this sub, I had planned it out perfectly. No JADE. Adult discssion, no raised voices, and above all - I was not going to runaway from the situation!
We arrived, FDH and I greeted JYDad and I was told Runaway was in the computer room. Perfect, time alone for a polite and diplomatic discussion right? Ahahahahaha. NO.
I walked in and cheerily said "Hi Mom! How are you?!" and I got the cold shoulder right off the bat. "I want to talk to you. Shut the door." Oooook so that's controlling tactic number 1, I'll let that slide as I'm here being all polite and ready to listen. I sat down.
JNMOM: "I'm not happy with you. Don't interrupt. I just have one thing to say to you and when I have said it I'm done." Me: OK JNMOM: "I was NOT happy with the way you spoke to me last week. That is all." Me: OK. So now can I tell you I'm not happy with you? I feel you are trying too hard with my wedding and I need you to allow me to make my own decisions and not take all of your advice. JNMOM: I AM NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR WEDDING WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT Me: 3 times I had to tell you "No" when $AwesomeStylist came round when you were going on about those plaits. I shouldn't have to tell you 3 times for "No". No is No.
More gaslighting, epic this time JNMOM: YOU LIAR! I NEVER SAID ANYTHING OF THE SORT! YOU LIEEEEEEEEEE. YOU LITTLE LIAR! Me: Don't you remember? You were wanting me to have 3 plaits, 2 at the side and one down the middle? JNMOM:
screaming intensifies "NOOOOO I DID NOT YOU LITTLE FUCKING LIAR!" * more screaming using lots of vowels, unsure of the language she was speaking here* I told her the conversation was over and I left the room, my hands and knees were shaking. I was an anxious mess.
In the kitchen was JYDAD, FDH, $YB, $SIL2 and my $Nephew 18 months. I told everyone what had gone down. Moments later in front of the entire family Runaway barged in the room like a Tasmanian Devil and continued to scream YOU SELFISH LYING BITCH! YOU LITTLE BITCH MAKING THINGS UP ABOUT ME. I AM NOT TRYING TO RUN YOUR WEDDING YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH (I just stood there repeating the word "WOW" over and over again. She then stomped off to the computer room.
What in the name of Saint Louis just happened? $SIL looked as if she wanted the earth to open her up and swaller her and $Nephew, ran outside to play in the garden. $YB laughed out a very long and high pitched
Whaaaaaat in hell just haaaaaappened FDH was speechless, looking at JYDad, who was shaking his head. I went outside for a cigarette, mainly because I feared my legs would fail. I was shaking so hard, I couldn't stop.
JYDad doesn't want to rock the boat He came and found me in the garden and said "I've just spoken to Runaway and I've told her this needs to be sorted out today. Will you try one more time to talk with her?" I agreed, after we had eaten, only if he was there to witness / referree this shit show. He agreed.
What followed was the shinest of spines and attempting to dispute of her FOG and control over me. I'm down for this let's go. I started off weird (thats the anxiety) telling her she is a good mother who has taught me not to judge a book by it's cover, to treat everyone with respect and today she didn't treat me with respect/ In front of the whole family. I was concerned for her mental health as she can't recall a screaming match in front of $AwesomeStylist just a few days previously. When I say 'no' then no means no' I'm tired of repeatng the word no because apparently no means 'keep arguiing until everyone bends to your wishes'. I didn't want a clown at my wedding and I'll pay for the board and cancel the project as it's wrong of me to force someone to make a gift if they don't want to make it.
This took 15 minutes. I'll spare you the runaround, every time she wanted to discuss a past event, I refused, stating we are talking about today, here and now, we can't change the past. One bit of control she had over me (and this is why I snapped in my next tale, it's the little things) she told me if I apologised to her for talking to her in an unacceptable tone she will apologise, but not before.
I looked at JYDad, who was nodding ever so slightly. I hated hated hated doing it but
faaaaaaaaaaamily so I said that I apologised and ohmyfuckinglordthelovingmummy suddently sprouted out of nowehere. Total change of personality. I asked for a hug, we hugged, as we were hugging I said "Just one last thing. I don't want you round my house on the morning of the wedding." She agreed. I also got an agreement for a James Bond board. JYDad was crying saying he thought it was going to be a situation where JNMOM would not attend the wedding.
Tune in next time for the wedding day installment, advice on NC is needed.
submitted by My mother was a scammer. Specifically, she would collect deposits for cars, boats, motorcycles, immigration visas etc. that never existed. It was a classic ‘borrow from Peter to pay Paul’ scam - in fact when I confronted her, that’s the language she used to describe it.
She had lived a life from scamming people. Typically they were wealthy friends she made, but the main victims were the easily manipulated and unsuspecting family friends we had. In her youth, she would go so far as to tell her mother she was off to work - she would disappear for the day - while spending it with friends and casinos. She would return home occasionally with her ‘paycheque’ which was just money she had scammed.
I had confronted her some months before moving out when I was 20 - she was forced to come clean, but of course not entirely clean. My uncle, a police detective who keeps tabs on her - filled me in on the rest. According to her, she only started doing this when she became a single mother when I was 3 -- but the truth is that she had started down this road in her own teenage years. You can imagine why my father left (an N in his own way).
So too with her life of crime, came the side effects. Since she was always - for lack of a better term - stealing money, it always came with the mental stress of doing so. She had a blood red temper. She verbally and physically abused me - and since I was the only child, I became the sole target for her violent, vitriol outrage. I was a boy. Old enough and big enough to knock her out cold. But who wants to do that to their mother? This inner conflict was another source of mental abuse I subjected myself to. Knowing full well that I had to stand there and take a beating till it was over. I was very much like a dependant prisoner.
She would scam so much and so frequently that we moved cities every two years. Her most recent victim was my step-dad. When they had met she took money from him to invest in a wine and nut farm - about half a million dollars. The farm, the wine, the nuts and her contacts of course never existed - the money was spent on casinos and lavish business-class vacations.
In addition, she took the total of about 300k from my step dads friends and family. Then skipped the country, moved home and is filing for a divorce so she can milk him for alimony - even though my suspicion is more insidious. With the probability that she is blackmailing this man under the pretense that he was aware and complaisant in all her crimes. More on this later.
She currently lives alone. Sending the occasional ‘Hey, why aren’t you talking to me, I'm your mother’ message. I have gone almost NC with her. The occasional Hello or How are you so my soul doesn’t die from abandoning my mother entirely. Silly I know.
Verbally and physically abusive, a gambling addict, scammer, deviant, cheater and a compulsive liar with little-to-no redeeming qualities. I often sit back and laugh at what a roll of the dice your life is. Here’s to not being them. Cheers!
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